Hi All,
As you enjoy your Independence Day, Remember:
1) You cannot actually eat 10 hamburgers. So stop trying!
2) Margs do not mix well with a queasy stomach. Avoid queasiness.
3) Throwing your sister in the pool is not funny. Oh, wait. Yes it is.
4) Chips are not "My Personal Crunchy Friends."
5) Superman Rules. (I could not help it. He does.)
6) Aunt Martha really IS an old windbag.
7) There's nothing wrong with preferring a Long Island Iced Tea to normal tea. Those New Yorkers, they know how to DO it!
8) If the sun starts to make you sweat, retreat to a quiet indoor place. Preferably with a partner who's also a bit sweaty. (Dear God!)
9) If you're at the beach, avoid sand in the pants. How it got there, I'll never know.
10) At the beach, taunt the sharks. "Let's see you make it up here on land, you bastard!"
11) Make sure to sit under an umbrella with a nice drink and a good book. If you don't like to read, I don't know what to do with you.
12) Tell the lifeguard, "I think I may need some air soon. Did anyone ever tell you that you resemble Superman?"
13) Tell your brothers, "No, I will NOT attempt Wiffle Ball. Cause me wiffling? Not a pretty sight."
14) If throwing frisbee, make sure you don't inadvertantly hit a family member in the head. You poor thrower, you.
15) When the fireworks go off, be sure to yell, "ShaZAM!"
16) Also when the fireworks go off, be sure to grab the nearest guy and pretend you're 'afraid.' In reality, the only thing you're afraid of is, "What if the pill is only 99.9% accurate?"
17) Or, if you're a guy, grab the nearest girl, and hope you don't look like a sissy.
18) Pretend that the fireworks are all for YOU. Tell people, "Awww! Thanks! I always appreciate a good light show."
19) Ask, "Where's the band???"
20) When all else fails, start reciting the Declaration of Independence. If you can even do that drunk.
haha
I hope anyone out there reading has a wonderful time with their friends and family.
If you have to work, I feel your pain. I've worked many a July 4th. They named me 'Teammate of the Month' (I'm not making that up!) and gave me this one off, for once. My 2 favorite July 4ths were the one where I spent the day watching an X Files marathon all day (I am a nerd!) and the one in SC where my friend Lynn and I went to see some great fireworks. I'll be enjoying a cookout with the folks. I'll 'try' not to eat 10 burgers. I'll also try to stop the Superman-hype. But Bean has already asked when we'll see it again, so, look out. Always more commentary to come with me.
Happy 4th!
Marty
6 comments:
Miss Marty,
Your Independence Day Advice is quite sparkling! A few questions, though:
1) If I can't have ten hambugers, can I have ten Corona Lights?
2) If I am the sister thrown in the pool, does that still make it funny?
3) Does the shark taunting also apply to jellyfish?
;)
HAPPY FOURTH MARTY! Enjoy the day, my dear!
Love, TN
LOL! Great post.
I am sooo going to yell ShaZam! tonight.
Enjoy your day off! I've worked many a holiday in my life, and I too appreciate being one of the privledged few who get to drink margaritas, eat veggie burgers, and yell SHAZAM! at the pretty lights.
Thursday:
1) You can have as many Corona Lights as you wish
2) If YOU are thrown in the pool, that's not funny; that's hot.
3) Jellyfish need the most taunting!
4) I am just kidding with you about #2. But there are people I'd like to see thrown in a pool. Did I mention there's a scene of Superman WET?? I nearly went to a happy place, I swear. (haha)
WIP: Always nice to see you've stopped by! If you really do yell ShaZAM, I will proclaim you 'The Coolest Yeller Ever.' ;)
Was Brandon Ruth ever shirtless in the movie? Just wondering. ;)
Thursday:
There was one scene where he sort of was, but I can't explain further as I don't want to spoil the plot. Unfortunately it wasn't a 'hot' type scene. Damn! ;)
Hope you had a great 4th, Marty! I've gotten to the point where it's just not really a holiday unless there is an X-Files marathon on.
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