Poems

Comfort Sometimes it won't turn off And you'd love to just hide Go down to a quiet place, and just listen to the silence It's nice there, and you feel your heart beat a little slower Calm Sometimes trying to breathe isn't enough You want to actually feel the air Not just take it in on auto But then you hear a sound, laughter And you feel a touch, soft, yet firm That's when you know you're not alone That's when you know comfort Safe I can't stop the day From being what it is With all of the noise, chatter, and rush But when I go to turn it all off I can Only in that place Only when you're here, close So close I can feel you I let you all the way in Even where the dark is When I'm with you there, it's Calm Pure And we're together If you get scared, because it's so dark I only hold you closer Because nothing can hurt us here It's just us Safe. Close Hello, Fear You come around far too often Unwelcome And unwanted In the dark I had to pray for light In the dark I had to find something to hold onto To stay in the real world, I would escape I couldn't swim, or else I'd drown Unable to breathe But the water was shallow I still couldn't breathe I met Paranoia too He lies Nothing I do is good enough My body's not good enough I'll never make it in this world My mind is not good enough; it's fractured My heart is not good enough, but I keep wishing it was Nothing I do is good enough But he won't win Neither one of them will Or the others Guilt Shame They are all wretched And cruel They want to control me But I can't let them Sometimes I give in Too tired to keep fighting It hurts too much to keep fighting But when I found you, I found the answer I gave you the key That unlocked the attic door I kept it locked for decades It's dusty and cold in there But when I am close with you, I'm warm and comfortable Always There's enough light to see the clearness of your eyes But we'll close them and sleep They're all gone now, those others And there's no locks We don't need to talk, at all Just hold each other and rest Warm Close

Things I learned this year

I Learned Something?

1) If it's not Scottish, it's CRAP! (With thanks to a Mike Meyers' SNL skit from the 80's)
2) Help! We're trapped in a Roundabout and we can't get out! (England)
3) The Irish love their food coloring. The fields really did look like excessive green had been added! Ha
4) There's a great sense of pride in mowing one's own lawn. There's also a great sense of pride in considering paying people to do it. Ha
5) People cannot drive in parking lots to save their lives. Sigh. Job security!
6) Leia turned 14, and is a Senior Kitty. I'll expect her to start eating at 4:30 every day, in bed by 10, up by 6. Ha
7) There is just nothing in Kentucky. For real. Billy and I have never seen such a boring place.
8) Pop music tried to make a comeback: Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and Miley Cyrus all put out CDs. Miley's was the best. Although I am scarred for life by the image of naked Miley on a wrecking ball. Yikes. She could've thrown in a sweaty, shirtless construction worker with some nice facial hair for us to enjoy! Think, girl! Haha
9) Movies: Gatsby was great (smiles), as was Katniss Everdeen. I may need to take up archery. Haha
10) St. Louis is a great city! Friendliest people in the U.S. Friendliest people I've ever met, though, were in Edinburgh. :)

Happy New Year!

The Monster Ball Tour

From where we were, Bean and I could see Gaga standing behind the screen as the opening keyboard arrangement began.  I'll never forget seeing Madonna rise from under the stage, which I could see from the view we had, but most of the arena missed twenty years ago.  It's like seeing someone larger than life in a brief, quiet moment before the entertainment begins.  I love moments like that.

You could say a lot about Gaga, but you could never say the girl isn't an incredible entertainer.  I remember thinking that the music world (indeed, the entertainment world in general) had fallen into a malaise in the last few years, heck; the last decade really.  Turn on the radio and you heard crap after crap.  Sad.  Because I love music, and entertainment.  One reason I don't care about recreational drugs or alcohol, or any of the other releases most people go for, is because I can hear a song, and it's like somebody shot cocaine right into my veins.  I'm not even on this planet anymore when I hear music like that.  Or when I see a REALLY good movie.  Or read just about any book. :) 

But the music, it seemed dead.  After the pop explosion of the 1980's and the alternative genius of the 1990's, we had....nothing.  But then I heard 'Poker Face.'  A more goose-bump-inducing intro I haven't heard since...well, the 1980's.  So Bean asked me, "Is it worth the $10.00 to buy this CD?"  Um, yeah.  I burned myself a copy.  Thought it was great, escapist pop.  Wondered who in the heck this woman was.  Hits started pouring out, and I thought, Yeah, she's good.  Nice to hear good music finally.  As life itself got a whole lot worse for most of the world, Escape was necessary.  But this wasn't Britney.  This was an artist.

I was driving to work one day when the DJ said, "Here's the new song from Lady Gaga...."  I nearly had a wreck.  haha  No, I didn't.  But when I ran to the record store to buy 'The Fame Monster,' which included that new song, 'Bad Romance...'....I called Bean and said, "You have to hear this!"  It's hard to put out a perfect 10.  Much less TWO perfect 10's. 

As much as I love the music, Gaga herself is what impresses me most.  Only 24 (!!!), plays piano, bass, keyboard (all done live), has a great voice, writes every single note, designs and creates all of the stage sets, images, fashions, etc.  And a more genuine pop star, you'll never find.  Regularly meets with fans, tweets directly to them, expresses endless thanks and love to them, and cries when they overwhelm her. 

So, about the show?  It was one of the best shows I've seen, certainly one of the best pop shows ever.  Two solid hours of high-energy pop music, all songs we know and love, and a nice story/play/musical/performance art piece involving Gaga and her friends getting lost going to the Monster Ball.  I think some may have expected to be shocked, but there wasn't really anything shocking to be seen. Yes, Gaga has a bit of a gutter mouth (Who the f*** doesn't? ha), and goes around showing a lot of skin, dancing with her (clearly) gay dancers, but we've seen that before.  Throughout, the sets were 100% New York City.  A taxi, subway car, Central Park..she's a proud NYC Girl.

The songs:

1. Dance in the Dark


2.Glitter and Grease

3. Just Dance ..Crowd starts going nuts

4. Beautiful, Dirty, Rich

5.The Fame

6. LoveGame ...Another crowd fave

7. Boys Boys Boys...Lots of...boys..with packages.  If you know what I mean.

8.Telephone ...Gaga stops to talk to the crowd, gets a UVA fan-made shirt that reads, "Gaga loves Wahoos" on the back, and puts it on...Hoos go nuts; some behind us started to chant Wahoo cheers. 

9. Speechless....The piano ballad, complete w/a piano on fire. Loved it.

10.You and I ...A new song, kind of rock and roll.

11. So Happy I Could Die..Gaga as Glenda the Good Witch!

12. Monster ..Central Park if it were inhabited by Gaga's version of Halloween.  Awesome.

13.Teeth

14. Alejandro..My fave song of the summer, crowd chants get really loud.

15. Poker Face....We all lost it.  Well, except for Bean, who is busy snapping pics. Funny to hear a crowd yelling, "I'm bluffin' with my muffin!!!"

16. Paparazzi..The huge fish from Gaga's nightmares comes out to "eat" her.  Nice F/X

17. Bad Romance..AHHHHHHHHHH  Loved. It. AHHH!

So out into the night we went, feeling totally entertained.  Thanks, Gaga!  See you next time.  Unless you put out a crap album next year.  In which case, we're outta here.  haha....Well..somehow, I think this Lady is here to stay. 

'Alejandro' Video, Alternate Version

It's dark on the beach, and quiet. A radio plays, far away.

"But I just can't be with you like this anymore..."

The sun breaks through a mass of clouds, and shines onto her arm, wet from the ocean. She sits alone, arms resting on her knees, and stares at the sea. She wears all black, her white skin and golden blonde hair a contrast. It's calm, but as waves crash, he comes up behind her.

He lifts her up to him, but she looks away from his face. He's wearing black shorts, which cling to his body, and nothing else. His muscular chest glistens in the sun, as do his hazel eyes. He pulls her closer to him, and she finds it hard to resist.

As they move together along the beach, his friends join them. All in shorts, all wet, and all muscular, they surround her, and she is forced to smile, sandwiched in between their ripped bodies.

"You know that I love you boy
Hot like Mexico, rejoice
At this point I gotta choose
Nothing to lose..."

They dance a coordinated dance, but she feels smothered.
She runs, needing to get away.

"Don't call my name
Don't call my name, Alejandro
I'm not your babe
I'm not your babe, Fernando..."

As she runs, her mind flashes back to that day....

His hands run down her shoulder, to her stomach, wet this time with sweat. She kisses him, running her tongue inside of his mouth. He tells her she tastes like nectar, and he wants more.

Later, as she puts out her cigarette, she sees a glint shining out of his jeans pocket, his jeans lying crumpled on the floor. She bends down to take a closer look, and sees that the light she saw was his wedding band.

Tell the Mrs. I said hello, she says, and slams the door on the way out.

He catches her in the hallway, and tells her he loves her. He has to have her. He doesn't care about the other.

(Just stop. Please. Just let me go. Alejandro. Just let me go.)

Back on the beach, she stops. She's run to the Sound, and she stops there, and catches her breath, her hands on her knees. She stands up straight, a new look of determination on her face. She reaches into a pocket, and pulls out sunshades, puts them on.

Back at the beach, the boys are waiting. She snaps her fingers, and they align for the dance.

"You know that I love you boy
Hot like Mexico, rejoice
At this point I gotta choose,
nothing to lose

Don't call my name
Don't call my name, Alejandro
I'm not your babe
I'm not your babe, Fernando...."

Several coreographed dances later, as the song ends, the boys leave...
and she sits down, alone, on the beach, staring into the bright sun, in shades....

Breaking Dawn

In preparing to read this novel, I was reminded Entertainment Weekly's assessment. They gave it a D, said it was convoluted, and jumped the shark.

I didn't quite agree with them. It's long, to be sure. But when you really enjoy characters, you don't want the story to end so soon. And it was a tad convoluted in spots. At one point, you had 20+ vampires to try and remember. And it's told by Bella, then by Jacob, then Bella again.

*Spoiler alert*

I'll try not to blow every plot point. But I have to talk about some.

EW had issues with the vampire/human hybrid that Edward and Bella birthed. It all seemed too Rosemary's Baby, to some. The only part I didn't get (and still don't) is, how does a vampire impregnate someone? If they are dead? Dead men have sperm? What? I think the idea was, he was an Incubus, a mythical angel/demon who impregnates humans. Bella describes him as an angel throughout, and Edward describes himself as a demon (condemned to Hell)...so..is he both? I'm still unclear on how a dead person procreates...but, this is fantasy, after all.

In creating this child, all of the conflicts that were so nicely set up all along (vampire/werewolf feuds, vampire in-fighting, Jacob vs. Edward for Bella's love) are very nicely resolved and all tied up in a neat little bow.

I think if you really are reading for the character development, you'll like this book. All of the characters evolved, and in good ways.

Bella: Finally grew that strength I wanted her to have all along, just as I predicted she would.

Edward: Managed to not be so smothering, and to be more tolerant.

Jacob: Managed to mature...but still had a lot of wolf-boy in him. Jacob was my favorite character. I loved his narration, and wished it hadn't ended. He was funny, silly, but also loyal, and loving. And if it were me, I'd totally go for Jacob! Tall, muscular, Native American, who, in his other self, is a cuddly wolf...my kind of guy. Well, maybe "cuddly" isn't quite accurate. More like, "Cuddly when he wants to be, but also ferocious." I'm an animal lover, much more than a blood-draining dead person lover. I don't care if he does look like a God.

Which brings me to the point: Bella gushes over Edward so much that you feel you're getting diabetic, and describes him constantly as the most beautiful man ever, God-like, perfect and marble, and blah blah. I love Robert Pattinson. Don't get me wrong. But God-like? We all picture him now, and I assume Meyer approved of the casting. I'm curious what image was in Meyer's head as she wrote. I guess, reading this without a movie to implant images, one could picture Edward how they wanted, within the parameter of hair and eye color. But when I think of a God-like man, I think of Brad Pitt, about 10 years younger, or maybe even 15 to 20 years younger. In the physical sense, ideal. But see, that's ideal to me. I guess that's one reason I just didn't buy the obsessive love story...he's cute, sure, but he wouldn't blind me to the point that I couldn't speak. And Jacob's got the much better personality.

So that makes me one of the "Team Jacob" fans, I suppose. Mostly, though, I rooted for all of them, as they all came together nicely as comrades, and even brothers, by the end.

A word of complaint to Bella and Edward: Treat Alice better!!! Alice is my second-favorite character; she is always doing incredible and nice things for Edward and Bella, and all they can do in response is be annoyed with her. Grr.

In the end, I can't agree that the book "Jumped the shark." It was a very complicated story, and she managed to resolve it very nicely while throwing in a ton of vampire/werewolf lore. I'm geeky like that; I like monsters and mythical creatures and stories that are complicated and maybe implausible. If anything, I think maybe the final book could have been broken into two books. But, as it was, it left me feeling sad that it was over.

There's room for another sequel...even though things felt resolved, there were one or two things that could evolve into another story...if she ever wanted to write it. I, for one, would run out and buy it in a heartbeat.