Work: What is it Good For?

"Intellectual “work” is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward."
Mark Twain

Hi All,
There's a great episode of Seinfeld (they were all pretty much great!) where Jerry jokingly tells Elaine that the original title of War and Peace was War, What is it Good For? and Elaine believes him, so she tells this to a famous Russian writer. haha So I ask this about work sometimes. We just had our PC Services final exam today. I love taking tests, especially short answer and essay. Essays are the BEST! I did well on this one, I believe. It was open-book, which is sometimes harder. But I think I did pretty well on it. (Update: I only missed one. Woo-Hoo!)

I got Mr. Wireless up and running again last night, Praise To The Gods. I vowed to never install or restore or whatever I did before again!
In other news, I have squeezed my stress ball so much, he split open and broke. So I just had a funeral for Mr. Stress Ball; he was a brave soul. haha Luckily, I have another one, brand new, that a former associate left. On to the next victim! It's really just something to do while we sit around waiting for calls (since we can't be online at that time...dang the luck!). I'm not really all that stressed at this job. But if I ever am, Mr. SB helps.

Readers go: "Why must she give inanimate objects names and 'life?'" That's one of my very favorite literary devices: personification. I could not think of this word just now so the entire class here were wracking their brains to come up with it. ha We found it on Ask Jeeves. Anyhow, I love doing that. I named every single one of my stuffed animals, after all. haha I had to say goodbye to them if we went on trips! But I don't talk to them now. I don't! ha

So my friend Yeti gave me an idea last night. I like to use fake names or nicknames for people, in case you wonder at the odd names that sometimes appear on my site. I get tickled at people who think that Bean's name is actually Bean. It's just a nickname. So anyway, Yeti tells me, in response to my 'writer's block' on my 3rd novel, "add monkeys." I actually laughed a little bit out loud when I heard this, and came to the conclusion that I should come up with a list of Writing Tips. Not serious writing tips. But here you go...

Marty's Completely Non-Serious Writing Tips

1) Always make characters "brood" and "look surly." Everyone loves a surly brooding mess of a character, don't they?
2) Always have a character named "Jimbo."
3) Always start the new chapter with "Bang!"
4) Always have a character who speaks "Japachinese."
5) Address the reader a lot as "you ding-a-ling."
6) Make paragraphs one sentence long.
7) Number chapters randomly: 1,4,10
8) Always have characters that make out in the rain. Afterward, make them sneeze a lot.
9) Give the villain a mock name: He Who Is An Evil Bastard
10) Make all of your heroines on heroin.
11) Always make the husband character "gruff."
12) Always make teenage characters "doe-eyed."
13) Onlywriteincrazynonsensicalrunons.
14) Make frequent use of the word 'bilk.'
15) Always mention the music in the background as characters converse. Write asides about how "Awesome!" the music is.
16) Write a lot of overzealous hyperbole: "He was as big as a HOUSE! WOW!"
17) Make up words a la Dr. Seuss: "The fliptzes went to the blork."
18) Write overly dramatic scenes, using lots of exclamation marks: "He went to touch her shoulder! She turned wistfully toward him! They knew what they had to do!"
19) When in doubt, just make characters say, "That ROCKS!"
20) When in doubt, comment on how great water is.

haha
I'm glad Bronte did not actually do #5. That might have ruined Jane Eyre. As I wrote this, I had a thought. Perhaps I am in the wrong genre. Or, perhaps I should try a comedic novel. Comedy seems to come fairly easily. I should write a story using the very things I just listed above. How cute would that be? I might do it. ha

Have a great day, All.