Nevermore

Things you never thought you'd say:

I received my Edgar Allan Poe action figure yesterday.
I also got Shakespeare. Why? Well, because they were too cool. And they were too funny. Think of the conversations I can have:

"Shakespeare sure can do some damage with that quill."
"I wonder if Poe would like a drink with Mulder?"

So I got these yesterday, and they are awesome! The Poe figure is, frankly, my new favorite. He's ghost-white in a black suit, with a raven on his shoulder. I'm going to take this opportunity to discuss Mr. Poe here, as he's the premier horror writer of our time.

My Favorite Works by Edgar Allan Poe

1) 'The Fall of the House of Usher': Stormy nights, creepy mansions, and insane hosts make up the plot of this story. Oh, but there's more! Usher rambles on and on while the narrator, a traveler, hears a strange scraping sound. Usher laments his dead sister, whom he says he loved. As the night progresses, Usher acts more and more odd, and we hear more and more scraping sounds and other bumps in the night. Our feeling of unease comes to a head when we finally meet Usher's sister, alive after all, and bloody from crawling and scraping her way out of the tomb. Poe was obsessed with the idea of being buried alive; in fact it was his biggest fear. He had a tomb built especially for him that provided an 'out' if he was buried prematurely. Paranoid much?

2) 'The Tell-Tale Heart': After accidentally killing a man, our narrator buries him in the floor boards, thinking no one will know or ever find out. But he forgets about the strongest adversary he has: his own conscience. His conscience makes him turn on his survival instinct in the end, as he rips up the boards to reveal the dead man to the police. Why did he do this? He heard the beating of the old man's heart, constantly, in his head. Just thinking about this story makes me hear that same beating.

3) 'The Pit and the Pendulum': Only a disturbed mind would come up with the idea of a guy being tied down while the sharp blade of a pendulum slowly swings back and forth above him, inching ever so much closer to him with every minute. And I love it! Talk about building suspense! The very idea of it still gives me chills.

4) 'The Raven': This is one of my favorite poems. Our narrator tries to ignore the raven (traditionally a symbol of death), but finds that the raven can't be ignored. When death comes knocking, you kind of have to listen. And, they did a really cool version of this poem on 'The Simpsons.' ;)

5) 'The Black Cat': I think this is why I got a black cat. :) In a nice twist on the 'buried alive' theme, and also similar to 'The Tell-Tale Heart,' we hear sounds coming from the wall, only to find that a man has been entombed there, with a black cat. A hungry black cat, if you get my drift. Are black cats evil? You decide.

6) 'The Cask of Amontillado': Imagine if you went to a party, got drunk, and went down to the cellar with a friend. Said friend talks to you for a long time while you lumber there, totally inebriated. Before you know it, things have gotten dark. As you watch your 'friend' put the last brick in place, you realize you've just been entombed alive, chained forever, in a cellar. Left to die! Yeah, I think Poe had some serious issues with the 'live burial' thing.

7) 'The Murders in the Rue Morgue': One of the first great mystery stories, and an odd one. It's been awhile since I read it, but I remember something about a gorilla. Poirot, step aside!

8) 'The Masque of the Red Death': Pestilence has nothing on The Red Death. When the party-goers take off his mask, Death stares them in the face, and one by one they all fall dead. The fact that I think that would be an awesome scene in a film says something about me, perhaps.....

9) 'MS. Found in a Bottle': I love anything to do with ships, especially doomed ships. And icebergs. And depair. And Good Lord! No wonder Poe was a drinker. Such heavy stuff he wrote.

10) 'The Haunted Palace': I love anything haunted; let's face it. And in the end, the ghosts of the palace 'laugh, but smile no more.' Appropriate, since they're goners. haha

Things I'd like to say to ol' Edgar
1) "Drink, up, Johnny!"
2) "So! Seen any good tombs lately?"
3) "You know, you CAN smile."
4) "Are you sure you're not a ghost?"
5) "Well, no one can accuse you of being 'gay.'"

:)

Have a great evening!