Action Figure Theater

"That it should come to this!" - Hamlet, (Act I, Scene II).

By the Gods! It is I, Will, back again to regale you with my tales of adventure and mischief amongst the action figure world. What a world this is! Our supposed owner is quite the progenitor of all sorts of characters; hence, we are never bored.

Yesterday, it happened that a ruckus broke out. Ed and I were merely innocent bystanders. Well, I was, at any rate. Ed, he's incorrigible and cannot be stopped sometimes.

My day started off as any other: I stood in my perch and chatted with Ed. Ed complained of headaches, footaches, and general paranoia. We heard rumor that a Ms. Dickinson and a Mr. Thoreau would join us soon in battle.

"Battle??" I cried.
"Yeah, BATTLE. Deal with it, Mr. Fancypants!"
This from a female who appeared to love her weapon. She carried a large weapon which apparently displaced 'bullets' at people in rapid succession.
"It's a machine gun, you sissy. And my name is Conner. Sarah Conner. If there's a battle, you want me on your team."
"Where's that redhead I like so well?" Ed asks.
"I believe she's off killing aliens, or some such," I replied.
"Did somebody say 'aliens?'" a female named Ripley asks.
Ed and I do not know what to make of these strong women with weaponry. I commented to Ed, quietly, that we must fetch daggers to protect ourselves.
"What? You want us to use DAGGERS? Please. I could kill somebody with a dagger in my sleep," says Connor. Odd woman, she.

Soon after, Ed and I were accosted by Mr. Thoreau and another group of people.
Our experience:
Me: Who goes there?
Thoreau: It is I, Henry David Thoreau. I have come to admire the woods here.
Biker Scout, with weapon cocked: Unless I see Imperial markings, you won't be passing into Endor, the forest moon.
Ed: We've got you, H.D.!
Ed proceeded to tackle this 'scout' and wrestle him to the ground. I regrettably assisted.
We bemoaned our choice, however, as we were soon accosted by a band of men in white.
Mulder arrives on the scene: I've heard of men in BLACK, but what's with the Stormtroopers?
Emperor Palpatine: This is MY legion, you fools! Don't make me use my force powers on your asses.
The Incredible Hulk: aaaggggggaaarrrrrrrrr!
The Green Lantern: You won't like him when he's angry! Trust me. A real bear, that one.
Emperor: Screw this! Get out of my forest, you hippie! You too, sad eyes!
Emily Dickinson: Who are YOU calling 'sad eyes,' you shriveled up old toad?
Whitman: Damn! Sassy girl. But honestly, are there any sassy GUYS around here?
Fitgerald: Or any drinks? Perhaps a party we can attend?
Ed: This is not the '20's, fellow.
Me: Why are we all standing around chatting? Old Shrively Face has threatened us all!
Hulk: Grrrrrrraaaaaaa
ALL: Oh Shut up!
Wonder Woman: Always a woman to the rescue, is it?
Troops aim their weapons at the literary and super hero crowd.
Palpatine summons Vader and Maul, all ready with lightsabers poised.
Ed: Attack, Raven!
Me: Attack, quill!
Thoreau: Attack, journal!
Dickinson: Attack, Depressing Thoughts!
ALL: 'Depressing Thoughts?'
Dickinson: Well? I can't stop for death. Outta the way!
Dickinson flees.
Troops fire. The Sith Lords attack with lightning bolts, red light sabers, and general kick-ass moves.
Wonder Woman lassos troops, bringing them down. Hulk pounds away at 10 troops at a time. Green Lantern creates a force field with his ring to protect the literary folks.
Out of the blue, Hemingway comes barreling in, complete with a gun and 'bull running' shoes. Troops are knocked aside, and the literary crowd cheers, "Ernest! Ernest!"
The Sith Lords are accosted by Mulder and Scully, who pelt them with flashlights and pamphlets on conspiracy theories.
But ho! There are Borg on the horizon! Led by Locutus!
I am truly saddened to see my friend Captain Picard turned into the enemy.
But wait! Just as we thought all was lost-Aslan appears, God-like (pun intended), and behind him stands an army of large furry animals. These animals are bigger than us all, and keep yelling, "This'll teach you to call us PLUSH, mother******!!"

Alas, in the end, we all lay in a huge pile.
We depart our seperate ways.
At once I am prodded by something. It is a raven pecking my chest!
"Will! Wake UP, Will!"
"Ed? It was a dream? Did I sleep? Perchance did I dream?"
"Yes, you did. You kept yelling out names of people who aren't here...Dickinson...Ernest?"
"Oh, Ed! It was a horrible dream. We were attacked. I am glad this nightmare has passed."

And so I take my perch again, hoping I do not sleep this time...

Have an illuminating day..

Will