Selling Ice to Eskimos

Hi All,
So they told us we have a new objective we have to meet: sales. I love customer service. It's so easy to talk someone out of an irate mood. Seriously. I'm a pro at this. Probably because I've done it for so many years. I love it when somebody yells and yells, and I calmly apologize and offer them the entire solution. Because then they feel like an idiot for yelling about something so trivial. I mean, on 9/11/00, this guy called in to yell at me because his TV wasn't delivered yet. I had just been informed that planes crashed into the World Trade Center and many thousands were thought dead. I assume since this guy had no TV (because we hadn't delivered it yet), he didn't know this news. So I held my tongue, apologized, and checked the delivery for him. But I've never forgotten the absurdity of someone being irate about a TV when people's lives were being changed forever.
We deal in electronics, and we do love our customers. For the most part, they just need something: an answer, a reassurance, or some information. Or they need for us to fix whatever went wrong. We're very jittery in America: It has to be done right now, perfect, and hurry up because I've got meetings to attend and kids to attend to and the mistress to attend to and yadda yadda. This is one reason I'm considering moving back to the country. I like the city, for some things: Barnes and Noble, The Olive Garden, and Really Nice Movie Theaters (of which there are few, sadly). I like having things 5 minutes away. But I grew up in the country, where it's silent and pitch black at night, nature's right outside your door, and people in general go much slower.
But I started out talking about sales. Damn! I need an organizer for my thoughts. haha So anyway, they tell us we're going to start doing some outbound sales. In the training just now, I put on my best 'customer service' voice and gave it a try. They all clapped and said I did a great job. Well, that makes me feel good. I've never been sure I could sell anything. I wish I could sell my books that well! I'm not very good at selling myself, I don't think. Other than what I write here, which isn't selling myself as much as it is just babbling about things that interest me.

Let me try it here: Would you like to hear about the benefits of buying my books? You get: Enough references to all things mythical to make Mulder happy, enough subtle humor to make you remember who's writing this, and enough suspense for you to think you're reading a nice novelization of 'Alias' or 'The X Files.' Lest you think I am an X Files rip-off artist; the technique I loved that I used in my novels is actually a general suspense technique. I just always refer to XF because they did such a great job of using that technique during every show. They would end a lot of shows with the case 'solved,' but then the last scene pans to a pair of red eyes in the storm grate. So you know it's not over. Basically, for the writing equivalent of that, you think of the oddest sentence you can, and you make it something ambiguous, and unanswered. It has to relate to your story, of course. And that's your chapter-ender. The chapter closer and the chapter opener are the most important, if you read books about writing. I basically throw any 'advice' out of the window because my mind will just go. It will just turn on and I can write, sometimes without even knowing what the next sentence is before I write it. I'm not saying I'm some kind of savant. I'm not. But I do get charges of inspiration (for lack of a better word. The literal meaning of 'inspiration,' according to the roots of the word, are 'From God' only. You can't truly be inspired by another person. That's what they told me in Sunday School. I haven't checked the etymology though.) at times and I can't control it. Finally! Something I can't control that I LIKE! I don't normally like chaos. But the frenzy that is writing for me is wonderful. So buy my books. Because I'm liable to draft another puzzling spiel such as this one if you don't. haha I'm kidding.

Things We'd All Like to Sell
1) Kittens. Well? Who can't sell a cuddly kitten?
2) Alcohol. I prefer wine, myself. But people love their booze.
3) Leather jackets. Or suede. They look great and feel great. Easy sale!
4) Music/Movies. Everybody loves music and movies. Don't they? If they don't, I'd have to feel a lot of concern for them.
5) Food. We all gotta eat, don't we?

I'm headed to a club tonight to see a comedy routine. Several of my co-workers are doing acts. Should be a hoot.

Have a great day!