40 Ways to Stay Insane

By: Me!

I'm editing my old Top Ten Lists, and came across these, and liked them. These were written 2 years ago, or so. I was much sillier then. Am I silly now? Eh?

There's 80 of these that I wrote, so I'm putting them in 2 posts. People who have been reading my stuff for the last 3 years might remember these. They were inspired by that Forward we've all seen about 'Ways to Stay Insane.'

Enjoy! And please don't take me serious. I was clearly not when I wrote these.

20 Ways to Stay Insane

1) Lay on the floor and chant, 'The Great Ones are coming,' repeatedly.
2) At the grocery store, yell, 'Clean up on aisle twenty!' even though there's no mess, nor an aisle twenty.
3) In theaters, yell, 'Damn, that's some good 'corn!' every five minutes.
4) In theaters, yell, 'Hoo-Yah!' during quiet moments in the film.
5) At weddings, yell, 'What a waste of money this was! You could do better.'
6) At weddings, yell, 'I promised to love him forever too, last night.'
7) At the club, dedicate songs to yourself, and cry in awe when they are played.
8) At the office, refuse to answer to any name other than 'Snoopy.'
9) During communion at church, yell, 'No offense, Jesus, but you taste like a stale cracker.'
10) At concerts, tell people you're 'John Lennon's secret love child.'
11) At cookouts, say, 'So, where's ol' Bessie?' while you take a bite of your burger.
12) Go to the toy store and shove little kids away from 'my action figures.' (I actually do collect these, but do not shove kids out of the way to get them. But I've thought about it. Yes, I have.)
13) Call random people and tell them you're running for president, and need their vote. When they ask what your campaign is all about tell them, 'I plan to make clowns illegal.'
14) Go to DQ and marvel at all of the flavors. Ask for flavors that do not exist, such as pavement or cherry wood. Demand management when they cannot accommodate your request.
15) Tell people you are 'Wonder Woman,' and you plan on helping the entire world become, 'Amazonian and Cool.'
16) Show up at a dance recital and do a routine, even though you have no training. Cry when the judges tell you, 'That was the most unprofessional 'dance' I have ever seen.'
17) Go to a swimming event and yell, 'Where is Greg Louganis???'
18) Go through a drive through at a fast food place and demand a seven course meal.
'Yes, I'd like the salmon, the house salad, bread on the side, and the veggie platter. And a nice wine too. What? You DON'T SERVE THAT HERE?? '
19) Take a camcorder with you everywhere and tell people you're filming 'a masterpiece.'
20) Send letters to the editor signed, 'Her Royal Highness.'

20 more ways to stay Insane.

1) Send faxes to yourself and exclaim, 'I haven't heard from HER in a while!'
2) Get on the intercom and announce, 'I'm the King of the World!' Or in my case, Queen. What?
3) Call radio stations and request songs that do not exist. 'But, I DEMAND to hear 'The honky-tonk creed!' I demand it!'
4) Bang on the snack machine until, 'Something falls out or I get a reply.'
5) Look up in the Coke machine and say, 'Hi up there, little Coke man!'
6) When flushing the toilet, yell, 'Niagra Falls, here I come!'
7) Call travel agencies and demand that you be named 'Captain of the cruise ship.'
8) Call the bank and say, 'I'll take 30 on red, Joe.'
9) Tell your mother that you're really 'A Top Secret Government Project.'
10) Get in a cab in Richmond and tell them to drop you off 'In LA.'
11) Wear shades inside because, 'I like that old time rock n' roll.'
12) Leave your desk for a while and when you return, yell, 'Okay, who rearranged my paper clips??!!'
13) Put a sign on your cube that says, 'Do not disturb. I'm already disturbed enough.'
14) Sing along to the Meow Mix commercial. 'Meow, meow, meow, meow...'
15) Swear that Mr. Clean is 'my daddy.'
16) Yell into the fish bowl, 'Watch it zippy, or you'll have a nice trip to the sewer!'
17) Say, 'Oh Mickey you're so fine!' to random people you don't know.
18) Tell your boss you need off, 'To go invent time travel.'
19) Write a book entitled, 'How to annoy the crap out of everyone' then screech about it in your office all day.
20) Wear plaid. :)