40 More Ways to Stay Insane

Ah, but there's more!

20 More Ways to Stay Insane

1) Set 5 clocks around your house, all to a different time, and when your roommate complains, say, 'What alarms? I didn't hear any alarms?'
2) Leave notes on your fridge that say things like, 'Kill Bugs Today' and 'Hide Under Bed Today.'
3) During thunderstorms, run around the house yelling, 'I'm Sceered!' That's how we pronounce 'scared' down here-'sceered.' Quit laughing-Bean and I do this. For real.
4) Say, 'Y'all come back now, ya hear!?' to moths that you shoo out of the window.
5) Declare that, 'My socks DO match!' when they clearly don't.
6) Call up the electric company and complain because, 'I didn't feel the 'power' this past month.'
7) Stare at the fish in his bowl and say, 'I'll wrestle you for that little castle in there.'
8) When touring real castles in England, quote 'Hamlet' constantly.
9) When touring Ireland, demand to hear bagpipes. 24/7.
10) When touring Australia, ask, 'Where's the beef, mate?' and 'Foster's-is that REALLY Australian for 'beer?'
11) At the library, shush people even when they are not speaking.
12) Threaten to streak your office wearing only a trench coat and peanut butter over 'those private areas' while screaming. A friend of mine actually did threaten to do this. He ended up not doing it though. It would have been funny as s***.
13) Call your supervisor at home and say, 'Miss me yet???'
14) Taunt mimes by saying, 'Is THAT all you have to say?? HUH???'
15) Ask the bank teller for your change 'only in nickels and dimes.'
16) Tell people you feel bad for squeezing your smiley face stressball because, 'Happy can't breathe when I squeeze him.'
17) Talk to your stuffed animals as if they are real animals. Run from your toy lion like there's no tomorrow.
18) Call Calgon and complain because, 'Your product didn't take me away.'
19) Tell people you are really 'A Jedi Knight.'
20) Try to believe that you have 'a fan base.' In reality, you have lots of people who seriously think you are cracked.
Maybe you are?



20 more ways to stay Insane:
1) Call random people and say, 'I need some vittles!'
2) Call random people and ask, 'Are you my mother?'
3) Get on the bus and make up imaginary streets as your stop.
4) Go to the cemetery and yell, 'Rise up and conquer, my friends!'
5) At communion, yell, 'Hot Damn! That's some good wine!'
6) Go to confession and tell the priest you need 'about a week of your time.'
7) Tell people your goal in life is 'to go around the world in 80 days.'
8) Call PBS and demand a documentary on 'Dating Rituals of the Midwest.'
9) When flying on a plane that does not have an in-flight movie, act out your own movie.
10) Go to bars and ask for a drink I just invented, 'The Notorious Tornado.'
11) Tell guys with earrings that they are 'sissies.'
12) Tell your mother that the flowery shirt she bought for you is a 'sissy shirt,' and you can't be seen in it.
13) Hum 'The Simpsons' theme at work.
14) Take trips to resorts and tell the owner you are an inspector and must have the best cabin.
15) Even though you're 30 years old, demand a toy ring at the dentist after you finish your checkup.
16) Tell the vet that your cat 'speaks' to you.
17) At the zoo, yell to zebras: 'You think you're so special with your stripes!'
18) At the zoo, yell to the hippos: 'Time for the popcorn without the butter, babe!'
19) Request 'extra erasers' at work so that you can 'erase your face.'
20) Go to the gym and holler out kids' rhymes while jumping rope.

:)

Hope you enjoyed those. I was manic when I wrote such things, I believe.

:) Cheerio, then.